if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
