Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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