FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
