Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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