im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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