i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
