Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
