There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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