My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
