As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
