There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
