I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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