In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
