Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
