is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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