it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize