It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
