I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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