I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Houston, we have a blender
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
