i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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