i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize