i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
