Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
