If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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