Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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