whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I met the friendliest cop last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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