She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
