somebody snuck up and got me drunk
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize