A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
