Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
