White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize