Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
