First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
