I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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