you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
