Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
