Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
