PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
