The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
