I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
