I feel like I'm in dance class right now
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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