Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
