I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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