my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
