Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just google imaged poop.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
