I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize