Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
