i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
