Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize