call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
