Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
