TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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