Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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