Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
