In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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