I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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