Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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