I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
cat food counts as protein by the way
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
