he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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