I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
