You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was confusing and full of hummus
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
