You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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