is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
