I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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