did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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