She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
