nutella sex= disaster
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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