Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
