Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
