i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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