$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
